So, I'm going with a weirdly flowing train of thought process here, of which I leave to my iPod. I'll post some lyrics which appear on my iPod and my thoughts in regard to them. If nothing comes up with a song, it won't get posted. Well, here it goes.
Life is a one way street ain't it? If you could paint it, I'd draw myself going in the right direction. So I go all the way, Like I really really know, but the truth is, I'm only guessing. ~ Gnarls Barkley, "Just a Thought"
I'm not sure if I'm where I want to be in my life. I sometimes give the impression that I've got a lot of it figured out, but do I really? No. I'm nowhere near where I thought I'd be by this time in my life. I mean, I foresaw a home, but I'm not sure I saw myself in my current state with my home location, my job and with relationships. Frankly, I figured I'd have been attached by now and be knee-deep in production, instead of swirling in the ebb and flow. But, such is life, isn't it? We never really do know if our paths are leading us in the right direction. I'm sure we'd all love to build the faux impressions that we do, though.
At home drawing picture of mountain tops, with him on top -- lemon yellow sun arms raised in a V and the dead lay in pools of maroon below ~ Pearl Jam, "Jeremy"
I miss the ease of childhood, or at least the ease in which we could partake in life or earlier days. It's so simple to get lost in all of the different things which are inevitable as adults. "Have a career! Buy a house! Get married! Have kids! Buy a bigger house! Suburbia!" Really, it's hard to find in all that hub-bub, the things which really matter.
Or maybe its that i realized that it is true; No-ones really there fighting for you in the last garrison. No-one except yourself that is, no-one except you. You are the one who's got your back 'til the last deeds done. ~ The Streets, "Empty Cans"
As good of friends as I have, it's still always in the back of my mind that I'm still by myself in this world. I have to do things for me, because no one else will do them. I have to make sure my life is straight and stable. Reliance is something I can't fall into, no matter what, because I am just one man, trying to keep on keeping on.
Next week, on U-62, he's back! And this time, he's mad. Gandhi II! ~ "Weird Al" Yankovic, "Ghandhi II"
Sometimes I get weird looks or comments from people for my sometimes quirky style of dress or weird things I say or quote. I'm usually pretty good for allowing this to roll off my back, but some days, it gets to me. Ah, well. Fuck em.
I eat too much I drink too much I want too much ~ Dave Matthews Band, "Too Much"
I'm really needing to lose weight. I find myself disgusting. I sometimes drink too much (as evidenced by last Friday), especially if I'm now-unconditioned. My constitution has gone to hell for the sauce. And I definitely want too much -- of the simpler things in life... I've had enough booze for a while, I think. Although, I'm sure when faced with another drink, I'll imbibe, because really, that's when I'm more honest and the likes.
lightning crashes a new mother cries her placenta falls to the floor the angel opens her eyes the confusion sets in before the doctor can even close the door ~ Live, "Lightning Crashes"
It's amazing how much pull I feel to become a father. I see all these photos daily of my friends and their children, and I see in their faces the immense amount of pride they have just for being a parent. It's hard to describe except for the term, "absolute joy". I want that. It's even harder when watching my friends having children. I mean, Abigail Nicole should be born tomorrow of all days, and other friends are also expecting. It's weird to be seeing this going on, and thinking about the husband holding his wife's hand as she endures childbirth, and the pure moment of joy when they see and hold their child for the first time. (Who said men don't have a biological clock?)
...... ~ Shadowy Men on a Shadowy Planet, "Havin' an Average Weekend"
Another song of quirk, but still... This music just puts me into an end of high school phase -- Hanging out with Ben Priest and watching "Kids in the Hall" on CBC, or sitting on a couch with my girly watching some Comedy Central. Life was full of possibilities back then. Maybe I can get them to play that at the ten year reunion. Giggety.
Your mother recognizes All your desperate displays And she watches as her babies drift violently away Till they see themselves in telescopes Listen, do you see yourself in me? We're such crazy babies, little monkey God, we're so fucked up, you and me ~ Counting Crows, "Recovering the Satellites"
Looking back, my life's been quite a few shades of fucked up. I've gotten myself into some odd situations, and I haven't always made the wisest choices. But, everyone's got their good times and bad, even if moments in life end up entwining both. Even looking back farther, I'm surprised I was even able to make the decisions I've been able to make, because well, I still don't believe I'm supposed to be here. Why am I the only one who made it? Why did I make it in the first place?
Well, that was interesting... not. It is intriging when I look over all of this that questions posed and answered create even more questions.
It's the end of the world as we know it It's the end of the world as we know it It's the end of the world as we know it And I feel fine ~ R.E.M., "It's the End of the World as We Know It"
I think I need some Sheridan's. I'll have extra shot glasses for those who wish to dabble.
This weekend was a weekend filled with attractive women, political intrigue, games, and booze.
What an interesting way to start it up...
Friday I head home from the office, knowing I'm missing an alcoholic bash I wouldn't have been able to attend, and so I'm chilling at home. I drop a shower and surf teh MySpace. I drop a message to Alicia and head off to Cowley's for some drinks and chat. All well and good. I learned a few things. Drinks and chat, for example, breaks down to mixing the liquor and the brews, while checking texts to make sure work didn't hit me up for stuff. I think the Irish moonshine, then the double shot of tequila while Lish was in the bathroom, pushed me over the edge towards a full unsober moment.
We leave and I become wrecked. I am Bob's Damaged Liver. I am a champion.
We walk over to a bench and I start spilling protein. Not in the fun way where it's a comic genius moment, a porch pop like at Sparky's, or a bad shot with whipped cream, ala Chud -- no. It's trying to regurgitate and not strain my neck from convulsion heaves, because well, it won't spray. It has to painfully wrench my neck and come up in seperate stages or sections, like a bad Lego instruction sheet.
Really, this was living in an Alcoholic world. It's like a Duff Gardens moment, and Surly is right around the corner. (Because Surly only looks out for one person -- SURLY!) I attempt to send Lish home to let me stew in my self-depreciation vomit, but her constitution for it perseveres, and she says no. I head to the car and attempt to bed down.
No avail.
She thinks I think I'm ready to drive off.
Really, I have done it in the past, but I played it smart because well, I'm Joe, I'm not that fucking dumb, and that was Farmington. I toss my keys to the far crevice of the T-bird and I try to curl up and sleep part of the booze haze off.
Nope. I get tugged on to be driven home.
It's a grand gesture, really, but I have rules. One of which is that I do not go anywhere without my car, unless the night is pre-planned for that or I'm taken in an ambulance. I make the claim, "Fine. You have to stay at my house. I have a spare bedroom, though."
She has none of it, and being an ex, I understand her reasons, but hell, I'm not asking to sleep with her. I'm just obeying my rules and allowing hers to be followed. I mean, I'm selfish. I didn't want to have to wait for a ride back to my motor in the AM.
Regardless...
This game carries on for who knows what amount of time, because for me, it's still Beer O'clock, quickly approaching Beer-thirty-five. I'm told I'm going to get arrested for sleeping in my car and whatnot. This push-pull event goes on for a while (bringing back some memories in this hindsight recounting), so I do what's most sane and logical...
I call Sean.
Sean, my drunken voice of reason. He's on top of his game, spouting crazy shit and how she should only drive me home if she sits on my lap -- a point he reiterates many times in succession, much to my vacant amusement.
To make a long story short (too late), Alicia ends up following me home, I give her the tour, and she motors home.
The next morning, I wake up, pack a bag, and head off to the Cleveland area to visit Erin and Josh at Matrix Games, then hit the Garvin house before going to the birthday party for Vikki.
I love the open road. One of my favorite things to do is drive and just talk/scream/yell/rage at high speeds on the veins of our country that we call the interstate. I travel to Oberlin talking on the phone to peeps, apologizing for being the caretaker victim and things I may have possibly spouted into the air besides vomit, and re-piecing conversations. (Yay for blackout moments. Ahem.) Oberlin is pimp, then I hit the Avon Lake Garvin house for Tsuro and some Settlers of Catan. We lunch/dinner then head off to Parma for good times.
The Parma Party was good times, with sword-fighting, spray-painting (thanks for the idea, Vikki), and slip-n-sliding. I drank only half a beer since I still had some vague residuals from the previous night, but I completed the night well and in top form, instructing a party-goer how to code HTML and proceeding to damage the fuck out of my knee. Yay for "the day after" splash battle damage, as it feels like a truly Leeroy Jenkins moment.
We head back to the Casa de Garvin where Garv and I bust out a few more rounds of Tsuro and I go to the attic to sleep.
This morning erupts with Steve the dog visiting me after I painfully move down the stairs for the morning leak, then back up to chill for a bit. We do breakfast, another Settlers game (I lost all weekend in that damn game), and I drive home.
It was a pretty fun weekend, vomit aside. Good times were had, and thankfully, tales were created. Now, I'm off to chill and rest the knee, because fucking OW.
With the Hanged man there is often a sense of fatalism, waiting for something to happen. Or a fear of loss from a situation, rather than gain.
The Hanged Man is perhaps the most fascinating card in the deck. It reflects the story of Odin who offered himself as a sacrifice in order to gain knowledge. Hanging from the world tree, wounded by a spear, given no bread or mead, he hung for nine days. On the last day, he saw on the ground runes that had fallen from the tree, understood their meaning, and, coming down, scooped them up for his own. All knowledge is to be found in these runes.
The Hanged Man, in similar fashion, is a card about suspension, not life or death. It signifies selflessness, sacrifice and prophecy. You make yourself vulnerable and in doing so, gain illumination. You see the world differently, with almost mystical insights.
"A man lies in his bed in a room with no door. He waits hoping for a presence, something, anything to enter. After spending half his life searching, he still felt as blank as the ceiling at which he's stared.
He is alive, but feels absolutely nothing. So, is he?
When he was six he believed that the moon overhead followed him. By nine, he had deciphered the illusion, trading magic for fact. No tradebacks... So this is what it's like to be an adult... If he only knew now, what he knew then..." ~ Pearl Jam, "I'm Open"
Just to add to the crap in my head which has been thinking about the past ever since I sent my money for the ten year reunion, I give you, my faithful reader(s?), a MySpace survey:
Senior Year!
1. Who was your best friend? The Bens (Karl, Priest), Mark, Carrie, Alicia
2. What sports did you play? n/a
3. What kind of car did you drive? 1984 Chevy Celebrity. Damn, I miss that car
4. It's Friday night...where are you? Hanging with friends.
5. Were you a party animal? No
6. Were you considered a flirt? Eh. I didn't come into my own till later in life.
7. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? band
8. Were you a nerd? yes
9. Did you get suspended/expelled? No
10. Can you sing the fight song? yeah. For the most part. I think a punk band should cover it.
11. Who was your favorite teacher? n/a
12. Where did you sit during lunch? south cafeteria with Carrie and Brendan
13. Name the school's full name? Franklin High School
14. School mascot? Ben Franklin - the Patriot
15. School colors? Blue and red
16. Rival high school Stevenson, i think. Fucking dopplegangers.
17. Did you go to Prom? Yeah -- oh the drama.
18. If you could go back and do it again, would you? I would have done things differently, but I'd have still kept the endgame.
19. What do you remember most about graduation? Mr Rice mispronouncing my last name, Dad yelling "Go Wings" and cheering like no other, friends crying as I walked out.
20. Where did you go senior skip day? No idea.
21. Favorite memory? There were quite a few that year. Best ones came over the summer though.
22. Were you in any clubs? I don't think so.
23. Where did you go most often for lunch? cafeteria or Taco Bell.
24. Have you gained some weight since then? Yes. Yes I have.
25. Who was your Senior prom date? Alicia
27. Who was your home room teacher? No idea.
28. Who will repost this after you No one. Fucking posers.
30. Do you still talk to people from high school? Some.
31. Did you win prom queen or king? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I'm still surprised I got another guy's girlfriend to go with me.
Wanted: Person with arms skinnier than my own to attempt to remove light bulb from hot tub. You will not get wet. Female would most likely be best suited, as most men I know have built up their forearms with "personal activities."
I hate when I get this way, especially when I'm NOT drunk. It has a tendency to bring out my darker side, which is a side I'm none too pleased with. I've been contemplating a lot of life choices I've made, and I really don't know if I'm happy with them all. I mean, I don't regret my choices. That'd be stupid.
Then again, that tends to be my stereotype.
I don't know.
I've got a lot weighing on the ol' noggin.
I'm missing that true state of relaxation.
I miss the ocean.
I miss a pure moment of bliss.
I miss the thought that things would end up how I once could have imagined them.
I was a delusional ten year old, that's for sure.
But all that -- It's neither here nor there, because really, it's all contemplative bullshit, and not reality. I am who I am because of all that crap.
Now, the real question is: Am I happy with myself?
So, as many of my friends know, I like White Castle. I've been talking for quite a while about the idea of wallpapering my kitchen with the same wallpaper they use in the Castles.
Eventually, I called them. 1-800-THE-CRAVE.
The lady who answered was nice, and asked what she could do for me.
"Well, this will probably be an odd request, but I'd like to know where I can aquire the Castle wallpaper you have in your restaurants."
She seemed shocked, and a bit weirded out. This, in turn, weirded me out, since the company seems to pride themselves on the weirdos who like their food. I mean, come on now. Isn't it weird enough that there are millions who eat their food, knowing they have a shot at a tinge or more of dysentery? I want wallpaper used in a retail business. Surely, they have a viable way of getting it to me. They have franchises for Christ's sake. (BTW, Jesus can kill a Crave Case in about fifteen minutes. True story.)
The lady put me on hold for a few minutes as she inquired around, but due to the holiday which was occurring the next day (Independence Day), I knew I'd get little to no response. She came back, took down my mailing address and phone number, and said someone would get back to me.
I didn't think anyone would.
Today, I come home to see something sticking out of my mailbox.
Let's take a closer look at the label:
(sorry for the blurriness)
WHITE CASTLE!
Could this be what I was waiting for?
Wait.
No.
The tube is too light. Maybe a sample and an order form?
I quickly pulled the end off the tube and found the following letter:
Dr Mr Cwik:
Thank you for your recent inquiry directed to the corporate office concerning the castle wallpaper that is hanging on the walls in some of our castles that have not been remodeled yet. Unfortunately, we long ago used up all of that wallpaper and have since moved on to a different design style for the decor in our restaurants.
Recently we used 3 designs from our old posters for a coupon give-away, the coupons have expired, but we do have some of the poster "sections" left over, so I have enclosed those for your use.
We are sorry we could not give a favorable response to your inquiry, but hope we can look forward to serving you again soon. If you require further information, please contact us, and we will be glad to send you what we can.
Thank you again for your interest in White Castle.
Sincerely,
White Castle Marketing Team
So, that's the proverbial end of that, although, I've seen it in semi-recently remodeled White Castles, so who knows?
Life -- it's been okay. Pretty boring lately, but I did catch Weird Al last Thursday, and he really changed up his usual set routine. Now, he's no longer closing with "Saga Begins" and "Yoda". He still does the "ziggy-zoggy" routine in there he'd do to close things up, but after that, the show keeps going. After another twenty minutes or so, they then end the show, then encore qith "Albquerque". Great tune, and amazing live.
I've been going to the gym for a couple weeks now, and I started to tone down the workout regiment, as I was thinking I needed to rest my body a bit more. Problem is, after the proverbial "balls-out" week of doing an almost daily workout, I'm missing it. SO, tonight, I'm going to go workout before the kickboxing class, or after. Maybe both. My only issue is I don't have a good plan for my workout on a weekly basis. I'm pretty much guessing my way through it. I'll probably lay that out this weekend.
This heat hasn't been fun. I've run my air conditioning a bit more lately, and I hate doing that. I ran it for roughly three to four hours yesterday, and I know my AC units are not the most efficient. I fear teh DTE.
That's about it. Harry Potter tonight. Hells yes. I'm a nerd.
I finally went to see "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End". I liked it. It was filled with action and an attempt to cram a ton of wrap-up into one film. They did a decent enough job with it, but what I'm going to post next contains ending spoilers.
That's right.
SPOILERS.
You see, every person I know who has seen this film has complained about the ending. Really, I see it fitting. Will Turner condemns himself to a life of servitude to save his father as well as spend what time he can with his new-found bride, even though it is for one day with her for every ten years of servitude. Really, there's loopholes, since he can only spend one day on land in ten years. Elizabeth could still board the Flying Dutchman and they could make the boat a rockin'. Or, if need be, a dinghy being pulled by the Dutchman.
Still, it's a cinematic grand gesture which is laid. A man giving up his happiness for his entire existence, save for a few fleeting moments, in order to maintain the happiness and stability in the world. You have to dig a sacrifice like that.
It could be said that we all make this gesture in our lives, at some point, at least in our own views.
Then again, it could just be me being messed up and sentimental for human emotion. I mean, I'm no Vulcan, am I?
The wonderful Stepho posted a survey on her blog, and well, I'm not one to disturb the natural flow of things, so I'll leech off of her "creativity".
If you were to attend a costume party tonight, what or whom would you go as? If I looked anything like Alan Tudyk, I'd go as Steve the Pirate from the movie "Dodgeball". Since I am NOT anything like Alan Tudyk, I'd probably dress up in my Renaissance Festival garb or as "El Gringo", the savage Mexican luchador who lives on Jagermeister and various pieces of meat.
What are your choice of toppings on a hamburger? And do you prefer gas or charcoal grilling? Ketchup, tomatoes, lettuce, onion, mayo. As for the charcoal/gas debate, I don't care as long as my food is cooked.
You are chosen to have lunch with the President. The condition is you only get to ask one question. What do you ask? Can you please give me a cushy job in the oil industry where I don't have to do a damn thing and still rake in a crapload of cash?
It's your first day of vacation, what are you doing? Relaxing like whoa, with good food and good people.
What is your concession stand must-have at the movies? Large beverage.
Which do you dislike most: pop-up ads or spam email? Pop ups.
What do you think Captain Hook's name was before he had a hook for a hand? Gregory Peck, Lord of the Caribbean and Scurvy Scalawag
Rock, paper, or scissors? Scissors
How long was it from 'the first date' until the proposal of marriage? How long until the wedding? I'm single, ladies.
Which is worse, being in a place that is too loud, or too quiet? Too loud.
What is one quality that you really appreciate in a person? The ability to be honest and realistic.
At the good old general store, what particular kind of candy would you expect to be in the big jar at the counter? Lollypops or rock candy. Maybe some Werthers Originals.
What is the most distinguishing landmark in your city? The ghetto. Maybe one of the buildings downtown.
Everyone hears discussions that they consider boring. What topic can put you to sleep quicker than any other? Insurance rates.
How many times did it take you to pass your drivers test? One. I'm awesome like that.
If you had to have the same topping on your vanilla ice cream for the rest of your life, what topping would you choose? caramel.
What food item would need to be removed from the market altogether in order for you to live a healthier, longer life? Taco Bell
You are offered an envelope that you know contains $50. You are then told that you may either keep it or exchange it for another envelope that may contain $500 or may be empty. Do you keep the first envelope, or do you take your chances with the second? Exchange.
If you had to choose, which would you give up: cable TV, or DSL/cable internet? Goodbye TV. I barely know you anyway.
What is your highest level of education? Associates Degree, but I learn so much more out of the traditional school-type setting.
How much is a gallon of gas in your city? What was the highest it's been? It is about $3.09 I think. The highest it was that I know of was $3.59.
What kind of lunch box did you have as a kid? Super Mario Bros.
What would you rather have, a nanny, a housekeeper, a cook, or a chauffeur? A housekeeper, although they wouldn't have to do a whole lot. I'm clean, for the most part.
Would you rather be trapped in an elevator, or stuck in traffic? Elevator, considering the price of gas these days... Then again, if I was in traffic, I'd be in the car, supposedly to have been "on the go".... Hard decision.
Lets say a brick fell on your foot, and your kid is standing right next to you, what is your 'cleaned up' swear word? Fuck. That's what I would scream. It's better than a longer string of obscenities I could release.
Have you ever had a moment where you realized that if you would have been bold enough to take an action, you would have had one of the most amazing moments in your life?
Yeah. I have. A few times, actually.
Hell, even more that I could ever let on.
And most of them have just passed me by. I wasn't a man of action.
That has changed, and will continue to do so.
So, what are a few of the moments that have passed you by?
