Lyrics - Take me down to the infirmary
Take me down to the infirmary
Lay me down on cotton sheets
Put a damp cloth on my forehead
Lay me down and let me sleep
I know the whiskey wont soothe my soul
And the morphine wont heal my heart
But if you take me down to the infirmary, oh yeah
I wont have to sleep or drink alone.
So take me down to the infirmary
Walk a sound that is as blue as her eyes
Oh, sister magdelene wont you fetch the doctor's flask.
He's going to need a steady
A steady hand
I know the whiskey it wont soothe my soul
And the morphine wont heal my heart
But if you take me down to the infirmary, oh yeah
I wont have to sleep or drink alone.
So, take me down to the infirmary
Lay me down on cotton sheets
Put a damp cloth on my forehead
Lay me down let me sleep
Lay me down let me sleep
~Cracker, "Take me down to the infirmary" Labels: cracker, lyrics
PETA
Okay.
PETA people are crazy. They are downright fucking crazy. But I think this is a crazy I could watch. (NSFW) Labels: humor, sex, wtf
Career Planning
An older couple had a son who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son has no career plans, so they decided to do a small test.
They took a $10 bill, a Bible and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, pretending they were not at home.
The test was this: If the son took the money, he would be a businessman, if he took the Bible, he would be a priest, but if he took the bottle of whiskey, he would be a drunk.
So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole, they saw their son arrive and read the note they had left him.
Then, he took the $10 bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.
After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it.
Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to check the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all three items.
The father slapped his forehead and said, "Darn, it's even worse than I could ever have imagined. Our son is going to be a politician!" Labels: humor, joke
Arthritis
A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man," the priest said.
"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does," the man said. Labels: humor, joke
HD-DVD / Blu-Ray
Well, it's done. Another media format is coming to a close -- at least in my opinion.
Blu-Ray is falling down and HD-DVD will be the reigning champ, all due to Sony's want to control the format. They are eliminating the one market that drove the internet.
While the adult entertainment industry may supposedly account for a very small percentage of sites on the web, that industry has driven the web's major advancements -- such as the technology for streaming media. In regards to DVD sales, a large portion of media that is sold is adult content, and you can gauge the media market on the porn industry.
Blu-ray takes a hit, and it's a big one -- that's for sure. Labels: film, geek
Trial by Jury
Tried in a hostile town, a guy didn't think he had a chance of getting off a murder charge, so shortly before the jury retired he bribed one of the jurors to find him guilty of the lesser crime of manslaughter.
The jury was out for over three days before eventually returning a verdict of manslaughter. The relieved defendant collared the bribed juror and said: "Thanks. How ever did you manage it?"
"It wasn't easy," admitted the juror. "All the others wanted to acquit you." Labels: humor, joke
Stone in a Bag
So tonight, I was doing some cleaning and watching the second "Pirates" movie Disney pumped out. I decided the house needed a good vacuuming, and after most of it was done, I got the whiff of a burning belt. I tipped the running vacuum and checked out the roller -- Not moving.
Great.
Luckily, I had another vacuum in the trunk of my car, so I was able to clean the rest of the house, albeit with a burning rubber scent lingering in the air.
So I burnt out vacuum. Not a big deal. I could replace the belt. The scent on the other hand...
I wanted to light some incense to cover the burning scent from the vacuum, and went through a box of incense, candles and other assorted stuff. In the bottom of the box was a hand-stitched pouch with a stone inside. On the pouch was a note tied by ribbon:
In Gothic times, people of the Renaissance believed that stones held the power of love, health, prosperity, and happiness.
S---- and K-------- bestow these blessings upon thee with this magical stone. With their relationship now settled in divorce, one has to ask themselves, what could be linked to this stone? What impression does this stone carry with it? I looked up the properties of the moonstone online and came across this ( link): It can be a useful crystal to have around if you find yourself getting "stuck in your head" ? worrying or thinking too much. In this way it also helps to trust your intuition when it comes to decision making and can be seen as a guiding stone ? not that it guides you by itself, it is more an energetic reminder of how you have all the tools to guide yourself.
It is also a crystal of renewal and can help you connect to the ideas that life is a continuing process with many births and many deaths as you grow. Moonstone energy is an energy that helps you to accept this process more readily, and maybe even to welcome it because every death and resulting birth brings you greater knowledge of yourself and the world you live in.
In India today, and in other traditions, moonstone is still regarded as a sacred stone. It is a rejuvenating and vital crystal that brings calmness and awareness of things greater than our human body and mind. It is also sometimes known as the wishing stone. Did this couple carry this stone or even keep one for themselves? After reading this description, I wonder. If they did, did it make them aware of their separation? Could said stones really help with mental impressions? At one point in my life, I was tending to believe a lot of the metaphysical techniques. Nowadays, I'm not really into that kind of thing, but I do find it interesting. Really, a lot of things are mind over matter, and putting yourself in the right frame of mind. Labels: memories, metaphysical, thoughts
Marathon post-script
The Kevin Smith marathon didn't go as expected, but the day as a whole gave me a lot to think about. I spent a lot of time thinking about my life in regards to relationships during "Chasing Amy". All the ups and the downs, along with all of the experiences I've had. It was kind of eye opening, but then again, I always find something to dwell on by watching that movie.
I thought about my faith while watching "Dogma", and where I feel I should be in my life. It kept me thinking through "Jay and Bob", until "Jersey Girl", where my thoughts changed. I know I want to have kids. I know I want to raise a family. It's just kind of difficult to build that part of my life lately.
In other news: For those of you who don't know, Underdog drummer/singer Rob McDonald recently had a heart attack. He's okay and he's back home now, but looking at Rob and seeing that this happened to him... Well, it did give me a bit of a fright. Rob's a guy who's in good shape, and only 28. The only health detriment he has going for him is his smoking, but dear god. No healthy, in-shape person should ever have to experience that.
That's all I have for now.
Time for a beer. Labels: film, health, view askew
Zodiac Accidents
Wow. Some people have too much time on their hands. Someone actually compiled a bunch of car accident data to find out which astrological signs are the worst drivers. Was this really necessary? On the positive side of things, I'm right near the top for safest drivers. Go Geminis. Woo. (Full list here.)
But I'm curious how accurate this is. What's your sign and how many accidents have you been in?
I've been in two, one was my fault. Labels: metaphysical
You might live in Detroit if....
You might live in Detroit if: - You have an $80,000 car parked in front of your $60,000 home.
- You have the only house left on the block.
- You leave detroit to go to the detroit zoo.
- The Liquor Store is your post office, bank, pharmacy, and supermarket.
- You complain that the city doesn't pick up the pile of trash at the end of the street.
- You throw your trash into a big pile at the end of the street.
- You know how to say Cadieux, Mackinac, Packzi, Ypsilanti, Chaldean, and Euchre.
- You vacation at Wheels Inn in Chatham, Ontario.
- You drive 80mph, riding some guy's ass, in a blizzard.
- To get on Opdyke, Get off Exit 69 at Big Beaver.
- You went downtown for the Super Bowl, and haven't gone back since.
- You say the Lions have a chance this year, sarcastically, every year.
- You're more comfortable talking to people through six inch plexiglass.
- You don't walk to go places.... ever.
- You buy a $5 large almost not crappy pizza four times a week
- You buy the same pizza for $20 at the baseball game and its even crappier
- You have never driven slower than 80mph on the Lodge.
- You buy your jewlery at the auto parts store.
- You found out there was an aquarium when they announced its closure.
- You sit on your porch, and just sit there, on the porch, in the afternoon, sitting.
- You need a mountain bike to go through the alley.
- You can buy single cigarettes and batteries.
- You are from the burbs and you tell people "I'm from Detroit"
- You are from the city and you tell people "I'm from the burbs"
- You run on the court and get punched in the face by a 6'11" 260lb Power Forward on National TV
- A 6'8" 240lb Small Forward attacks you in the stands on National TV
- You threw a chair into a crowd on National TV. - Jack Ass.
- You still think Jimmy Kimmel is an asshole.
- You go to windsor when you're seventeen with a nineteen year olds ID.
- You get in a fight in windsor and puke in the tunnel after burger king.
- You wait in line to leave Detroit to go to Canada.
- Ice cream trucks have cages in the windows in detroit.
- Crosswalks are simply suggestions.
- The MGM grand casino in detroit is spreading like the blob!
- There's plenty of parking, in downtown detroit, on workdays.
- You're at the Joe, then going back to the suburbs.
- Construction Zones are Permanent in Detroit.
- People are selling bottled water on the freeway ramps.
- The grass is chest high but you're playing dice.
- There's garbage everywhere, except pop bottles!
- You buy a 3 Liter of Faygo for $ .99 at the dollar store.
- You need a car or a ride to get anywhere.
- There is a curious smoke coming out of the detroits sewers year round.
- You lock your door when the detroit public schools let out.
- 1,000 people are looking for work and 100,000 people are unemployed.
- There are more abandoned homes than actual homeless.
- You think you are in Bizarro World.
- A giant metal fist is hanging there, ready for action.
- Gas is cheaper in the city than the suburbs, or the rest of the state.
- You're leaving the city to get gas.........safely.
- You've eaten coney's for lunch and dinner today.
- The dirt roads in Detroit are smoother than the paved one.
- Abandoned blocks of houses become famous works of art.
- The Detroit Police are everywhere......15 minutes later.
(Thanks Mandito.) Labels: Detroit, humor, joke
Snakes on a Plane & Kevin Smith Gatherings
Okay folks. I just picked up "Snakes on a Plane" and "Clerks II" on DVD. I'm going to host a couple gatherings:
Snakes on a Plane - Friday 9pm
Kevin Smith Marathon - Saturday 11am
Who wants to come?
It's going to be B.Y.O., meaning bring your own alcohol, and bring your own food. I'll probably get a couple pizzas, but everything else, you provide.
Please drop me a line and let me know if you are coming, or if you have any questions. Labels: film, view askew
Earache
An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded doctor?s waiting room. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, "Hello sir, and what are you seeing the doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my penis" he says.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded doctor's room and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he says.
The receptionist says, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."
The man walks out, waits several minutes and then comes back in. The receptionist smiles and asks, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear," he said.
The receptionist smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"
The man says, "I can't piss out of it." Labels: humor, joke
Thoughts on the first
It's been an odd week. That's what I think.
Have you ever had those nights where you just need to have some level of intimate companionship? To the point where it just hurts and you don't care who that person is? Be it a current (or past) love, a good friend, or just a warm body?
It's where I've been for a few weeks.
I just miss connecting on that plane with people.
Happy New Year, you dirty, dirty bastards. Labels: thoughts
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