New Star Trek?
Okay, geeks, nerds, and dweebs. Have you heard of Star Trek: New Voyages?
Apparently, it's an actually produced, fan-created show to continue the voyages of the NCC-1701. Why? Because the original Star Trek was cancelled after it's third season and it was intended to go two more to cover the entire five year voyage of the Enterprise.
I may download a few episodes and check it out sometime. The guy who is playing Spock looks horrific, in my opinion. You have to miss Nimoy, in that regard. Labels: geek, star trek
Must see flick
I found the next must see movie. YouTube won't allow embedding with this one, so click here to see it. (IMDB entry)
It look like they use the same plane as "Snakes on a Plane". Hooray for re-using props.
And.... discuss. Labels: film, humor
Pulled Over
A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a patrolman for a broken blinker. The cop looks into the guys' car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat.
"Sir," the cop says. "Why do you have all those knives?"
"They're for my juggling act," the man says.
"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Prove it." So the man gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives. At the same time, a car with two guys in it drives by.
"Man," says the first guy. "I'm glad I quit drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard." Labels: humor, joke
Humor I stole from MySpace
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mother.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a tampon and ask him which period it came from. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everybody at the party; A bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off? Spitting, swallowing, and gargling. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~What is the biggest problem for an atheist? No one to talk to during orgasm. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass? A mechanic. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony? The one who can eat that last donut. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Jewish dilemma: Free PORK. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~The three words men hate to hear most during sex: "Are you in?" ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~The three words women hate to hear most during sex: "Honey, I'm home!" Labels: humor, joke
Comfortable
Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then decides to take their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "If I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less.
After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."
Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, comfortable."
The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you just write, comfortable?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's a blonde. She'll read it slowly." Labels: humor, joke
Spelling
Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling.
She explained, "I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today."
The first student raised her hand to volunteer.
"Marcy," the teacher said. "You may go first."
Marcy replied, "My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny new penny."
The teacher said, "Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go next?"
Kevin stood up and announced, "My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie."
"Very good," the teacher told Kevin.
Jeff was next, and he said, "My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no..."
Before he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When he thought he knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try again.
Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher. The teacher called on little Johnny to go next.
Johnny said, "My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here today, he would give us all 20:1 odds Jeff will never be able to spell "accountant." Labels: humor, joke
Meh
Your Passion is Purple
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Sophisticated and classy, you're a bit picky about sex.
You're more likely to be turned on by a fancy hotel room than a dirty flick.
Sex is fine enough, as long as it doesn't mess up your hair.
For you, sex is more about power and favors than actually pleasure.
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You Are Cherry Pie
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You're the perfect combo of innocent and sexy
Those who like you enjoy a contradiction
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You Belong in Fall
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Intelligent, introspective, and quite expressive at times...
You appreciate the changes in color, climate, and mood that fall brings
Whether you're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives, autumn is a favorite time of year for you
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Labels: meme
Yellow Snow
Once there were two farmers. One had a daughter and the other had a son. When their kids were teenagers they started dating, and the two farmers encouraged it. One day the girl's father went over to the other farmer's house and said that he didn't want their children dating anymore. The boy's father asked, "Why not?"
The other farmer said, "Come here and I'll show you." In his yard was the girl's name written in pee in the snow.
The boy's father said, "Oh, come on, that's just boy stuff."
The other farmer said, "You think I don't know my own daughter's handwriting?" Labels: humor, joke
Thanksgiving Thoughts
"Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when they have to murder a loved one because they're the devil. Other than that though... It's been a good day." ~Emo Philips
Thanksgiving.
The holiday in which we are supposed to give thanks for the people and events in our life which make life worth living. The time where family and friends come together to recall the past and the moments which really mattered.
For me, it's almost the complete opposite.
Really, it's an interesting time for me to look back on my life. For me, a lot of things die in this end of the season. Things like inspiration, my health, and even relationships (friendships and romantic), just to name a few. But this is also a time for change.
It's time for me to re-examine how I look at life and how I live. It's time for me to understand the pluses and minuses which make up who I am. It's time to put myself under the microscope and understand where I can make changes in my life and how to do so. I believe I've already made a few changes. By New Year's Eve, I'll have lived in three homes over a one year span. But now, I'll be settling down in my own home.
It's a good change for me. I'm finding a new start in this life.
For that, I'm thankful. Labels: holiday, thoughts
Reporter at the Michigan/OSU game
Fox reporter Steve Brown holds his own at the Michigan/OSU game:
Hilarity! Labels: football, humor
Franklin High School Student Injury
Here's some news on my old alma mater... I just heard on FOX 2 that a Livonia Franklin High student was airlifted to Ann Arbor this morning. Apparently, he got into a fight with someone and was seriously hurt.
I'll keep watching this story. I'm curious. I mean, I've only seen a few fights in those halls where there were some type of serious injuries, and none of them required an airlift. "Glass Jaw" Dawley, anyone?
Update: WDIV (ch.4) covers this in a blurb, and so does the Detroit Free Press. Labels: livonia
Al and Em
Now, this is really damn funny. Weird Al interviewing Eminem:
Labels: eminem, humor, weird al
Sex Psychiatrist
A woman went to her shrink because she was having severe problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems.
Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your husband's face while you are having sex?"
"Well, yes, I actually did once."
"And how did your husband look?"
"Angry, very angry."
At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband's face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw his face that time?"
"He was looking through the window at us!" Labels: humor, joke
Pregnancy Humor
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, "OK, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my daughter, Darla. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and she's sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Darla a thorough examination, then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Darla is pregnant -- about four months would be my guess."
The mother says, "Pregnant?!? She can't be. She has never even been left alone with a man! Have you Darla?"
Darla says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"
The doctor walks over to the window and just stares out of it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there, doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No, not really. It's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the East and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be darned if I'm going to miss it this time!" Labels: humor, joke
Bo Schembechler Passes Away
Bo Schembechler has passed away today, one day before Michigan plays Ohio State in one of the biggest games ever in one of college football's oldest rivalries.
(SI Article)
I had the opportunity to meet Bo once at the Livonia "Buddy's Pizza." He was doing a radio show from there, and my dad and I went to get a couple of Michigan footballs signed. He was a kind and gracious man.
Rest in peace, Bo. Thanks for everything. Watch over the "Maize and Blue" tomorrow and always. You will be missed.
U of M, win this one for Bo.
GO BLUE! Labels: death, football
Kilt Humor
A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a local pub. He felt quite sleepy and decided to nap against a tree.
As he slept, two female tourists heard his loud snoring. When they found him, one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt."
She boldly walked over to the sleeper, raised his kilt, and saw that he wore nothing at all. Her friend said, "Well, the mystery is solved! Let's thank him for sharing!"
She took off her pretty blue hair ribbon and gently tied it around the Scotsman's endowment. A while later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature.
He raised his kilt and was bewildered at the sight of the neatly tied blue ribbon. He stared for a minute, then said, "I don't know where y'been laddie... but it's nice ta see you won firrrst prrrize!" Labels: humor, joke
Feet of Rage
Ok. I've got a major pet peeve. It's my feet. They have decided to wage a destructive war against socks.
Here's proof.
 I've burned through like eight pair in the last two months. Brand new socks. I don't get it. So, I need to go buy socks. But first and foremost, I need a new hub for the car. After $500 of tires, alignments and a tie rod, we finally come to the root of my annoyance -- a bad hub. What does this mean? Probably another hundred bucks down the drain keeping the car moving. After all, if I can't keep the car moving, how can I go buy new socks? Labels: thoughts
Weekend / Round here
The weekend was full of Whalers hockey, with the Whalers taking two wins at home -- 4-0 vs Owen Sound and a 6-5 shootout win against Sarnia.
Good times.
I also caught "Borat", which I must say was bloody brilliant. Showing the ignorance of a lot of America while making everyone laugh. Sacha Baron Cohen, I applaud you.
I was exausted all day on Sunday, so nothing got accomplished except visiting my grandmother and installing a flat screen TV on her wall.
And now, I leave you with a song that's been stuck in my head all weekend long.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Step out the front door like a ghost into the fog Where no one notices the contrast of white on white And in between the moon and you the angels get a better view Of the crumbling difference between wrong and right I walk in the air between the rain through myself and back again Where? I dont know Maria says shes dying through the door I hear her crying Why? I dont know Round here we always stand up straight Round here something radiates Maria came from nashville with a suitcase in her hand She said shed like to meet a boy who looks like Elvis She walks along the edge of where the ocean meets the land Just like shes walking on a wire in the circus She parks her car outside of my house And takes her clothes off Says shes close to understanding Jesus And she knows shes more than just a little misunderstood She has trouble acting normal when shes nervous Round here were carving out our names Round here we all look the same Round here we talk just like lions But we sacrifice like lambs Round here shes slipping through my hands Sleeping children better run like the wind Out of the lightning dream Mama's little baby better get herself in Out of the lightning She says its only in my head She says shhh I know its only in my head But the girl on car in the parking lot says "Man you should try to take a shot Cant you see my walls are crumbling?" Then she looks up at the building and says she's thinking of jumping She says she's tired of life she must be tired of something Round here shes always on my mind Round here hey man got lots of time Round here were never sent to bed early And nobody makes us wait Round here we stay up very, very, very, very late I cant see nothing, nothing around here Will you catch me if I'm falling Will you catch me if I'm falling Will you catch me 'cause I'm falling down on you I said I'm under the gun Round here Oh man, I said I'm under the gun Round here And I cant see nothing Nothing Round here ~Counting Crows, "Round Here" Labels: counting crows, film, hockey, lyrics
Blonde Police Officer
A blonde female police officer pulls over a blonde gal in a
convertible sports car for speeding. She walks up to the car and asks the blonde for her driver's license. The blonde convertible driver searches through her purse in vain.
Finally she asks, "What does it look like?"
The blonde police officer tells her, "It's that thing with your picture on it."
The blonde driver searches for a few more seconds, pulls out her compact, opens it and sure enough sees herself. She hands the compact to the blonde cop.
After a few seconds of looking at the compact, the blonde cop rolls her eyes, hands the compact back to the blonde convertible driver and says, "If you would have told me you were a police officer when I first pulled you over we could have avoided this whole thing!" Labels: humor, joke
Religious Joke
Q: How many Theists does it take to change a light bulb?
Charismatic: Only 1. Their hands are already in the air.
Pentecostal: 10. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray for protection against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterian: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None. Candles only. Put a little something in the box.
Baptist: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken next Sunday.
Episcopalian: 3. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Mormon: 5. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it properly.
Unitarian: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted -- all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodist: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass around.
Scientologist: Tom Cruise. We may get lucky and he'll fall off the ladder, or will be kidnapped by Xenu.
Nazarene: 6. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutheran: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.
Amish: What's a light bulb? Labels: humor, joke
Blond Farmer
A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. Of course, the farmer is blond.
He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing and looking at nothing.
The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks, "Ah, excuse me, mister, but what are you doing?"
The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."
"How?" asks the man, puzzled.
"Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field!" Labels: humor, joke
Hairy Chest
The ambitious coach of a girls track team gives the squad steroids. The team's performance soars. They win the county and state championships until one day they are favored to win nationals.
Penelope, a 16-year-old hurdler, visits her coach and says, "Coach, I have a problem. Hair is starting to grow on my chest."
"What!" the coach says in a panic, "How far down does it go?"
She replies, "Down to my testicles. That's something else I want to talk to you about." Labels: humor, joke
Vote!
No matter what your political affiliation, please remember to vote today.
(Click here if there are loading issues.)
ROWAN!
Update: Broken link fixed. This video is also found here.
Labels: humor
Cheating Spouse Humor
A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?"
"Relax," says the doctor, "Take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Mick's wife was furiously humping away with her husband's best mate, Peter, when suddenly the phone rang. She hopped out of bed and returned to the sweaty sheet after a brief conversation. "Who was it?" the back stabbing buddy asked. "Oh, that was Mick," she replied calmly. "Oh crap, I'd better be going then!" he said. "Did Mick say where he was?" "Relax -- he's down at the pub playing a few games of pool with you." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done." Labels: humor, joke
Well...
It's official. I'm a homeowner now.
Moving-in date is in about a month.
But yeah. I own a hizzy. Labels: house
Du Hast
You
You hate
You hate me
You have asked me
And I did not say anything
Will you until death does sever
Be upright to her forever
No
Will you til death be her rider
Her lover too, to stay inside her
No
~Translation of "Du Hast", Rammstein Labels: lyrics, rammstein
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