Candy Bar
They call you sticky fingers for a reason!
What Kind of Candy Are You?
Labels: meme
Monday, July 31, 2006
They call you sticky fingers for a reason!
What Kind of Candy Are You?
Questions: Answered Pt. 1
The other day, I made a post about questions you wanted me to answer. Here's the first installment of answers:
Q: Have you ever been in love?
Yep.
Q: Who are you?
I'm just a guy. You can check out some details about me in my bio, if you want. I'm just a nerd who likes computers and movies (watching and making), as well as women and booze.
Q: With me?
I really don't understand this one. I assume it relates to the love question, so James -- NO. STOP ASKING.
Labels: questions
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Football/Turn Signal/Cat Watch/Sneezing
St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about football. This goes on and on with both arguing who would field the best team.
Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral ground between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys.
"Very well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven.
"But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches."
"I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed, "but we've got all the officials!"
A guy and his blonde girlfriend were driving to the movies one night for a date. As the guy was making a right turn, he noticed that his turn signal light inside the car didn't light up at all.
As he approached the next right turn, he asked his girlfriend to stick her head out the window to tell him if his turn signal was working. She happily obliged and at the turn she stuck her head out the window and replied, "It is...It isn't....It is.....It isn't....It is....It isn't."
A man was walking down the street and spotted another man with a cat in his hands, so he walked up to him and asked him why he had the cat in his hands, to which the second man replied, "To tell time."
He, of course, didn't believe him and asked him to prove it. So, the second man squeezed the cat, it schreeched and a guy across the street yelled, "Would you shut that cat up? It's one o' clock in the morning!"
A man and a woman are riding next to each other on a plan in first class. The woman sneezes, then takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs. The man isn't sure he saw what she did, and decides he is probably hallucinating.
A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs. The man is about to go nuts. He can't believe that he's seeing what he's seeing.
A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs yet again. The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, "Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've taken a tissue and wiped it between your legs! Are you trying to drive me crazy?"
"I'm sorry to have disturbed you, sir," she replies. "I have a rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."
The man, now feeling badly, says, "Oh, I'm sorry. What are you taking for it?"
The woman looks at him with a coy smile and says, "Pepper."
Friday, July 28, 2006
Questions
To branch off of a recent post by Peaj, if you could ask me anything, no holds barred, what would you ask? I'll take a look at the questions and answer them in future posts, but I'll do so honestly. Ask anything at all. What would you like to inquire about?
Labels: questions
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Scene
"Is that all you can say to me?"
I looked back at her as she stood there. She was an effigy of frustration as her eyes welled up with tears. I took a deep breath of the Lake Erie air, and began to speak.
Now, faithful readers -- you finish the scene. Let's see how you think this scene would progress.
Labels: favorite, screenwriting
Monday, July 24, 2006
Hiking/Weighed
A group of hikers was being led through the wilderness by a guide. On the third day, the hikers noticed that they had been traveling in circles.
"We're lost!" one of the hikers complained.
"And you said you were the best guide in the United States."
"I am," the guide answered, "but I think we may have wandered into Canada."
Chris took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Chris.
"I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next, the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Chris again asked Kim what she would like to do.
"I want to get weighed," she said.
Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Chris lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to go next. "I want to get weighed," she responded.
By this time, Chris figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake. Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"
Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."
Walking Away
Have you ever just wanted to completely walk away from something? I mean, just leave every part of it behind?
I've wanted to.
And in a few instances, I have.
What scares me is that my mind walks back. It walks back to everything I've walked or ran from, and plays the "what if" game. That's not so bad, but it's downright scary when your mind starts believing those little nuances are actually real. Then you start finding life snippets and tidbits that lend credence to your delusions, no matter how things actually are.
Oy. Time to wash it all away.
"All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything"
~Pearl Jam, "Black"
Friday, July 21, 2006
The Theatre
image stolen from here.
You know, I wish I could remember the last film I saw in this theatre. I do remember it involved whipping some gummi bears or snow-caps at the back of the heads of the people a few rows ahead, though.
That theatre was the center of hours of amusement. I saw way too many movies to count there, all the way from my early days until it closed in 1999. Looking back, I should have asked to take a video camera through the building to document it, as it was a landmark for so many of Livonia's residents. I mean, $1.50 movies, and 75 cent Tuesdays? It was great!
I remember the last few times in the theatre, it had looked like the gremlins had come and ravaged the place. The wall draperies had been torn to pieces, and the screen had many assorted candies stuck to it from teens who decided it'd be better to throw their treats at the screen than at the backs of the people in front of them.
Still, I miss those times where I could ditch out of class or work in the middle of the day and take in a cheap second-run film for what was pocket change.
So, what are your memories of the Terrace, if any?
Labels: thoughts
Thursday, July 20, 2006
BTW...
A warm congrats to Stepho and Garvin for getting engaged. It's hard to find two people who complement each other as well as you two do. I wish you two the best.
Don't they look happy?
Labels: engagement, ohio, wedding
Writing
It's funny. 
I sit down to write anything at all, and the block just pops up. I don't seem all that surprised by it anymore, considering it's been happening since 1997. I've got a number of unfinished scripts I can't even look at anymore because they've sat so stagnant for so long, they reek of failure.
But it's not for lack of trying by any means.
I've gotten into a few things in order to get me to write: e-fedding and a local screenwriting class (while looking like a complete pederast), for example. It's just not working. All I can see is the blank page.
And then I draw roller coaster layouts on it.
You know... to at least get something on paper...
... God, that's lame.
Writer's block has been plaguing me for years, but I'm starting to wonder if it's not so much the writer's block as much as me just not having any actual stories to tell. I really can't be sure.
Ah, fuck it.
This world is made of paper
If we don't move
they'll draw us smaller and smaller
~Thunderbirds Are Now!, "This World is Made of Paper"
Labels: roller coaster, screenwriting, thoughts, wrestling
Monday, July 17, 2006
Stuck.
So, I don't know what to do with this site anymore. So, I need site feedback. Is it worth reading anymore?
If yes, what would you like to see stay, and what should go? What would you like to see in the future?
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Stuck in my head
This has been stuck in my head all day.
I woke the same as any other day
Except a voice was in my head
It said seize the day, pull the trigger
Drop the blade, and watch the rolling heads
The day I tried to live
I stole a thousand beggar's change
And gave it to the rich
The day I tried to win
I dangled from the power lines
And let the martyrs stretch
Singing
One more time around might do it
One more time around might make it
One more time around might do it
One more time around
The day I tried to live
Words you say never seem
To live up to the ones inside your head
The lives we make never seem
To ever get us anywhere but dead
The day I tried to live
I wallowed in the blood and mud with
All the other pigs
I woke the same as any other day you know
I should have stayed in bed
The day I tried to win
I wallowed in the blood and mud with
All the other pigs
And I learned that I was a liar
Just like you
- Soundgarden, "The Day I Tried To Live"
Labels: lyrics, soundgarden
Broom Factory
A blonde has been working in a broom factory since childhood, despite the state's strict anti-child labor laws, and has always been a good worker. But one day, she storms into her boss' office.
"I quit! That's it, I'm not working here anymore!"
"Why?" asks the boss. "What's the problem?"
"I've been working here for so long that I've grown the broom bristles between my legs. I can't take it anymore."
"Listen," the boss says. "That's perfectly normal. Look, I have those too."
"Oh, my God!" she exclaims. "It's worse than I thought! You've also grown a broom handle!"
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Monogamy
MSNBC recently did a set of stories on monogamy and how people are actually finding it to be more exciting in the long run. I can see that. I mean, you should be very comfortable with the one you are with to experiment or whatnot. The thing is, in today's culture, there's so much emphasis on sex with a variety of different partners, I think monogamy is difficult for some people. That's okay, though, as it's probably the trials and tribulations every relationship needs to go through.
I'm curious if people in my end of the blogosphere (I can't believe I just typed that) are finding that to be true. I can see it both ways. So, read and leave your thoughts -- named or anonymous.
Labels: thoughts
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Tequila
A guy is sitting at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He's slamming tequila left and right. He grabs one, drinks it, goes over to a window and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can't believe he has just done that. He's more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy, unscathed, comes walking back into the bar and sits back down next to him.
The astonished guy asks, "How did you do that? I just saw you jump out that window and we're hundreds of feet above the GROUND!"
The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a shot of tequila and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch."
He takes a shot, slams it down, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls until right before the ground, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the guy walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He drinks it and goes to the window and jumps. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down at all... SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila and the bartender says to him, "You're really an asshole when you're drunk, Superman."
Monday, July 10, 2006
Virginity
Does anyone still hold reverence towards virginity anymore?
In the past, people held the thought of virginity in high regard. People saved themselves for "that special one" for ages. Now, in "modern times", people look to "get laid" as soon as possible, even as young as twelve. Is it just me, or is that sick?
I am sometimes amazed at how prevalent sex is in today's society, especially in the media. Even Disney shows are taking on topics such as sex before marriage and if a child was a "mistake". Disney? Weren't they the company that was supposed to have wholesome content for families and kids?
Crazy. I guess the world is a-changin'.
Even back in the fifties, it was thought that no one was supposed to have pre-marital sex, but then again, it happened all the time. At least the history of the condom goes back much further (link), so people did have some protection aside from the pull-out method. But I'm off topic...
What are your thoughts on virginity? Is waiting really something people in this day and age still do, or is it just a thought of urban legend these days? ("I knew this girl, and she actually wanted to wait..." "No way, that's a myth!" "I'm telling you, it's true!")
Labels: favorite, sex, thoughts
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Hoshimota
An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan and hires a hooker. The whole night, this Japanese hooker keeps screaming: "Hoshimota! Hoshimota!"
He can't quite remember what the word means, but he's sure he's pleased the hooker to the best of his ability. The next morning, he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partner when he makes a hole-in-one. Everyone is congratulating him in Japanese and he can't think anything to say but "HOSHIMOTA!"
Concerned, his partner turns to him: "What do you mean it's in the wrong hole?"
Friday, July 07, 2006
The Voice
A guy went home from work one night and heard a voice. The voice whispered to him: "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." The man was disturbed about what he heard and ignored the voice.
The next day when he got home from work, the same thing happened. The voice whispered to him: "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." Again the man ignored the voice, though he was very troubled by the event.
Every day, the man was tormented by the same voice when he came home from work: "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." Each time the man heard the voice he became increasingly upset.
Finally, after two weeks, he succumbed to the pressure. He quit his job, sold his house, got together all his money and headed to Vegas. The moment the man got off the plane in Vegas, the voice told him, Go to Harrah's."
So he hopped in a cab and rushed over to Harrah's. As soon as he set foot in the casino, the voice echoed, "Go to the roulette table." The man did as he was told.
When he arrived at the roulette table, the voice firmly told him, "Put all your money on 17." Nervously, the man cashed in his money for chips and then put them all on 17. The dealer wished the man good luck and spun the roulette wheel.
Around and around the ball caromed. The man anxiously watched the ball as it slowly lost speed until finally it settled into number... 21.
The voice said, "Damn..."
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Curses
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the *exact* words that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
Monday, July 03, 2006
Guitar Craziness
Garvin sent me this video, and I was floored:
That's fucking amazing. Watch and be in awe. Crazy ass guitar playing.
Yzerman Retired
The great Stevie Y has officially retired from the Detroit Red Wings as a player.
Pic credit: Mary Schroeder/DFP
Steve wore the red and white for twenty-three seasons, and the Captain's "C" for twenty. He is a Red Wings legacy, and his presence on the ice will be missed. A three-time Stanley Cup winner, Yzerman was a man who bled red and white for the Detroit fans day in and day out.
If they don't retire his number this year, I'll be shocked. Yzerman's number 19 needs to be hung in Joe Louis Arena before they decide to build a new stadium. Let his number hang in the building he called home.
Thank you, Steve, for everything you have done for the team.
Labels: Detroit, hockey, red wings
Sandwich People
It's so sad.
People and their sandwiches.
People looking forward to eating their sandwiches. You know, they'll be working or doing something really stupid like polishing their furniture, and they'll say, "Oh, things aren't so bad, at least I've got that sandwich to look forward to." And then around noon, or maybe ten a.m., they'll take out their sandwich, and take little tiny bites of that thing, and think about tiny little pieces of change that would make them happy. You know, if they could only lose 4 or 5 pounds, if the movie they'd seen the night before could only be slightly better. They don't ask much, the sandwich people.
Sad as snake-snot.
The only thing sadder than the sandwich people are the poo people.
You know, the poo people, adults who sleep alone every night, but every day you see them walking their 3 pound dogs. If it were a fish, you'd throw it back. But they love it, and they walk it. They walk it with little plastic bags on their hands, waiting for their little 3-pounder to have his poo. And when he does, they pick it up, and feel that heat in their hand, as if to say to themselves, "I am alive!"
The only thing sadder than the poo people are the happy people.
Yeah, the happy people, you know, sitting in their cars, smiling at police, keeping their change in their wallets, remembering people's birthdays, pleased as punch they didn't get murdered.
Sad, sad, sad are the happy people.
I guess the only thing sadder than the happy people, are the Village People.
Yes, the Village People are the very saddest of all! They can't believe they wrote that song about the YMCA, they've never been to the YMCA. That cowboy doesn't want to be a cowboy anymore, he wants to be a grown up. Right now he's in some town, doing bizarre choreographed moves, thinking to himself, "Well, at least I've got that sandwich to look forward to."
~Bruce McCulloch, "Kids in the Hall"
Labels: favorite, humor, thoughts
Saturday, July 01, 2006
FINALLY!
After months of waiting, Falling Apart got listed on IMDB! (I was a producer and cinematographer.)
Where is the listing, you ask? Right here.
Awesomeness.
(I also have a couple copies left, if anyone is interested in buying one...)
Labels: falling apart, film, filmmaking, Scape Films
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