Wow. It's Friday, and while this is usually a good thing, I've read something that just really made me open my eyes and think about a lot of things. It's really scary to think about and to watch someone go through these things, and while I haven't had to do so, I can only imagine what it took for Kevin Smith to watch his friend, Jason Mewes, go through heroin addiction and in turn withdrawl.
You really should read Kevin's blog posts entitled "Me and My Shadow" (parts 1, 2, and 3)
It's an unfinished series, but really eye-opening.
A new primary school teacher starts her first day of class. She begins by asking students to stand and introduce themselves.
The first child stands and says, "My name is Mary Johnson."
"Thank you, Mary," says the teacher.
The second student says, "My name is Sam Smith."
"Thank you, Sam."
The third student says, "My name is Johnny Fuckhour."
The teacher is horrified, and tells Johnny that this type of language will not be allowed. He replies, "Honest, my name is Johnny Fuckhour. If you don't believe me, check up in the fifth grade where my brother is."
So the teacher walks up to the fifth grade class and asks, "Do you have a Fuckhour in here?"
One boy stands in the back of the room and says, "Hell, no! We don't even get a nap hour in here!"
There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked a guy how to get a date.
The guy said, "It's simple. I just say that I'm a lawyer."
So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said no, he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.
She said, "Oh! You're a lawyer?"
He said, "Why, yes I am!"
So they went to his place. When they were in bed making love, the guy started to laugh to himself.
When she asked what was so funny, he answered, "Well, I've only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I'm already screwing someone!"
I've been a bit depressed lately. It's a whole conglomeration of factors, ranging from the changing seasons, to things seemingly beginning and dying, to not being where I wanted to be - Profesionally and personally. I've been on the ill side with a mean cold since Friday (but it didn't really jump till Saturday), and I know I've been a ripe bastard to a lot of people when you combine the two factors.
It's time to get set in a better mood and look forward. I mean, I've achieved a good goal so far this year, and I am setting myself up for further achievements personally, but I should have been in this space previously. And that sucks... But that's in the past. Time to look forward.
It's time for that re-birth and rejuvenation of me - like the Phoenix from the ashes.
I mean, I've got a lot on the horizon, and good times ahead.
I, I'm driving black on black Just got my license back I got this feeling in my veins this train is coming off the track I'll ask polite if the devil needs a ride Because the angel on my right ain't hanging out with me tonight I'm driving past your house while you were sneaking out I got the car door opened up so you can jump in on the run Your mom don't know that you were missing She'd be pissed if she could see the parts of you that I've been kissing Screamin'
No, we're never gonna quit Ain't nothing wrong with it Just acting like we're animals No, no matter where we go 'Cause everybody knows We're just a couple of animals
So come on baby, get in Get in, just get in Check out the trouble we're in
You're beside me on the seat Got your hand between my knees And you control how fast we go by just how hard you wanna squeeze It's hard to steer when you're breathing in my ear But I got both hands on the wheel while you got both hands on my gears By now, no doubt that we were heading south I guess nobody ever taught her not to speak with a full mouth 'Cause this was it, like flicking on a switch It felt so good I almost drove into the ditch I'm screamin'
No, we're never gonna quit Ain't nothing wrong with it Just acting like we're animals No, no matter where we go 'Cause everybody knows We're just a couple of animals
So come on baby, get in Get in, just get in Look at the trouble we're in
We were parked out by the tracks We're sitting in the back And we just started getting busy When she whispered "what was that?" The wind, I think 'cause no one else knows where we are And that was when she started screamin' "That's my dad outside the car!" Oh please, the keys, they're not in the ignition Must have wound up on the floor while we were switching our positions I guess they knew that she was missing As I tried to tell her dad it was her mouth that I was kissing Screamin'
No, we're never gonna quit Ain't nothing wrong with it Just acting like we're animals No, no matter where we go 'Cause everybody knows We're just a couple of animals
So come on baby, get in We're just a couple of animals Get in, just get in Ain't nothing wrong with it Check out the trouble we're in Get in, just get in
So, I'm listening to albums on Rhapsody, and I came acrosss this. The first track contains a line which says "nothing but a t-shirt on / i've never felt so beautiful".
Is this right for kids to be singing?
And, of course track seven is Britney Spears' "Toxic". Kids should not be singing this crap. I mean, it's just not right.
So, as much as I loathe MySpace, I ended up going back to it. I don't add as many people and I fill out one survey every so often, but I'll rarely post one as a bulliten now. One that stuck out to me last night was this one by Cat entitled "This sounds nice...maybe one day it will be reality...":
1. Hugs from behind. 2. Grab her hand when you walk next to each other(don't make her grab yours). 3. When standing, wrap your arms around her. 4. Cuddle with her. 5. DON'T FORCE HER TO DO ANYTHING. 6. Write little notes. 7. Compliment her Honestly. 8. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible. 9. Be super sweet to her. 10. Call her at night to wish her sweet dreams. 11. Comfort her when she cries. 12. Wipe away her tears 13. Love her with all your heart. 14. Pick her up and flirt with her (she'll scream and say put me down but really she loves it). 15. Be a gentleman (hold the door for her). 16. Don't let your friends talk trash about her, it'll get back 2 her! & DONT ever act diff in front of ur friends than u r when its just u and her!!!! 17. Take her for a long walk at night! 18. Always bring a blanket where ever you go outside when its cold to comfort her and hold her close 19. NEVER LIE TO HER!!!!!! because then she will think everything you ever said to her was a lie, even "i love you"
Girls - repost this if you think it's sweet Guys - repost this if you would do any of it
So, I looked over this list, and the thing is, most of this stuff has become second nature to me. I posted it with a title of "Shit that is looked over by every woman in existance." I happened to look this morning in my rush to get ready and Niki posted this same thing with the title "F U Joe C. I wouldn't 'overlook' these things."
That's all well and good ladies, but in my experience, any man can do these things, and you look past them. James and I have had numerous conversations on how chivalry is dead. I'm sure there are people out there who say I'm scum and that I'm an ass and whatnot, but any woman who's spent time with me for a while should realize that I do things like these all the time. I mean, women rarely even acknowledge of someone holds a door for them, or opens a car door for them to get inside. Women these days rarely accept a compliment now. I'm sure they even discount the things in the above list as just things people do for women, be they suitors or not.
Something has really made people change over the years. It's a shame, really, that to get any woman, a man must be a complete ass. I mean, there has to be a balance somewhere, right?
Right?
Discuss.
Update: Stepho put up a nice post on her site pertaiing to this.
I'm still not feeling the best, but I'm feeling a lot better than I did yesterday. I do think I need some breakfast, and I'm the only one awake (again), if you don't count the felines who are scrambling around the apartment.
It's a very interesting thing how one changes when they are not feeling well. I can be a dick, unknowningly. But then again, I do stomp at Uno, as I've found out. I also do horribly at Skip-Bo, but I've never been a fan of that game.
Either way, there's movement now by both Garvin and Skip, so I'm off to shower, bitches.
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone, I can see all the obstacles in my way Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright) Sun-Shiny day. It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright) Sun-Shiny day.
I think I can make it now, the pain is gone All of the bad feelings have disappeared Here is the rainbow I've been prayin' for It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright) Sun-Shiny day.
Look all around, there's nothin' but blue skies Look straight ahead, nothin' but blue skies.
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone, I can see all obstacles in my way Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright) Sun-Shiny day....
Reprisal of an old post idea where I post things I'd been saving for a few months. Ironically, Amy just recently did something similar, as did my friend Emma:
Ugh.
I never sleep well.
I'd like to be right about that topic just once.
Time isn't on my side.
That was a good time.
Confidence is a good thing.
David is right.
Amy is probably right.
I'm sorry for assuming.
Yeah.
I'm not sure.
I miss inspiration.
Wow, those lyrics are right. Holding a candle up to my hand does make me feel incredible.
(He/She/They) just lost a lot of my respect.
I'm tired of the games.
I don't remember the last time I was truly a happy drunk.
It isn't worth it. Not at this price.
Of all the things to find enamoring, why that?
I'm tired of sloth.
I'll probably become a hermit like Mom's cousin, and that scares me.
Am I really "Closer to Free"?
Fucking Creek Kids.
I registered "Lumberfusker" as a screenname, because everyone needs to try the lumberfucker breakfast special at least once.
Wanna show you something like The joy inside my heart Seems I've been living in the temple of the dog Where would I live, if I were a man of golden words? And would I live, at all?
Words and music, my only tools Communication
And on her arrival, I will set free the birds It's a pretty time of year, and the mountains sing out loud Tell me, Mr. Golden Words, how's about the world? Tell me can you tell me at all?
Words and music, my only tools Communication
Let's fall in love with music The driving force in our living The only international language Divine glory, the expression The knees bow, the tongue confesses The lord of lords, the king of kings The king of kings
Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the three lawyers.
"Watch and you'll see," answers one of the engineers.
They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket please" The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.
So after the conference, the lawyers decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed lawyer.
"Watch and you'll see," says one of the engineers.
When they board the train the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please."
------
George was planning on going out with "the boys" when his wife told him that he wasn't leaving the house.
George's Wife: "The last time you went out with your friends you got so drunk that you puked on your shirt."
George: "But Honey, I promise that I won't drink a drop of alcohol all night!"
So after begging his old lady for an hour, George got the OK to go out with the guys as long as he stayed off of the booze. George met up with the guys at a local bar and proceeded to get shit-faced. After about three hours of guzzling liquor, George blew chow all over his shirt.
George: "Shit! The old lady is going to throw my ass out of the house for getting drunk and puking on my new shirt!"
Bill, George's best pal, gave drunk-ass George an idea of how to keep from getting in trouble with the wife.
Bill: "All you got to do is have a $20 bill in your hand when you walk through the door. Then, when she accuses you of barfing all over yourself, just tell her that some other drunk puked on you and that he gave you 20 bucks to get the shirt cleaned."
So, when George walked into the house with money in hand, his wife was waiting for him in the living room.
George's wife: "I knew that your drunk ass would spew bile and booze all over that new shirt!"
George: "Honey, let me explain! This drunken fool at the bar puked on me and gave me 20 bucks to have it cleaned."
His wife snatched the money out of his hand and observed that he was holding two $20 bills.
George's wife: "Is that so? Then where did the other 20 dollar bill come from?"
George: "Oh, that's from the guy who crapped in my pants."
I've loved a lot of things people have been doing with Mini-ATX boards, creating all the interesting cases for these small motherboards, but I came across this one, and I think I may attempt to do something like this, but not with a Mini-ATX. Why buy all new shit, when I have parts which would fly at home?
There's this man taking a walk around the red light district and he passes a whorehouse with a blinking sign saying: "The Hooker With Three Breasts...". The man get's just a little interested and thinks: "Well... that could be a once-in-a-lifetime experience." So he goes in and walks up to the man behind the counter. "I'd like to see the hooker with the three breasts," he says.
"Are you sure you can afford that... It'll cost you a thousand dollars," the pimp replies. But, the man is too excited, pulls his wallet and pays him the money. So, he is taken up three stairs to a little room in the back of the house and when he opens the room... there she is. The room is dark, but as he comes closer he sees it... three breasts! And so the man absolutely has the night of his life.
The next day the man walks past that same whorehouse and thinking of the night before and the time he had, he goes in and pays the pimp another thousand dollars. Again, he goes up three stairs to that little dark room in the back of the house. And as the day before, she lies there waiting.
But, as he walks up to the hooker, he sees that something is wrong... "Hey! You had three breasts yesterday," he says after which she smiles and says, "What did you expect honey... you can only suck out a boil like that once!"
I was skimming slashdot today and it turns out the one feature I wanted in Thunderbird is starting to come to fruition -- a calendar!
Lightning is in its inital phases, and I've been able to export my calendar from 30boxes, but some events aren't migrating properly. I chalk it up to Lightning being at 0.1, but you never know. It could be a 30boxes issue. Who knows?
I'll definitely be following Lightning's progress as it continues.
An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. The 80-year-old says, "I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was going out hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water. He raised his cane and went 'bang, bang'. Suddenly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"
The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
The real use of Dell - the best part is his last ditch effort to say it one more time.
You are far from home, and driving with a friend when the dash says you need fuel. You pull into the next gas station and fill up your pump. As you are paying, something catches your eye. You turn, and someone is staring right at you, as if they want to say something. You look at them, noting some passing resemblance, but brush it off. You go to leave, and glance back, and said person is still staring at you. You leave, citing the eerie stare, and get in your car. You shake your head and drive away.
The pilot on a small plane announced the plane was going to crash and it's every man for himself. The pilot and co-pilot then grabbed two parachutes and jumped out of the plane. The four passengers, an old priest, a 10-year-old boy, a brain surgeon and an attorney, ran to the storage area for the remaining parachutes -- there were only three left.
The brain surgeon said, "There is only one other doctor in the world that can perform the type of surgery I do, and I can save thousands of lives, I'm too needed to die" -- so he grabbed a pack and jumped.
The attorney then pushed aside the priest and the 10 year old, grabbed a pack and explained, "Since I am an attorney, my life should be saved because I have superior knowledge and intelligence and am very much needed to advise all the thousands of people less brillant than me," and then he jumped.
The old priest turned to the young boy and said, "Son, take the last parachute, I have had a full life and am at peace with my Maker, you have your whole life to live yet."
The young boy was shaking his head "no" -- "Don't worry Father," he said, "we both will be ok -- you know that guy who said he had superior knowledge and intelligence -- well, instead of grabbing a parachute pack, he grabbed my backpack!"
What's everyone doing for St. Patrick's day? I'm curious. I'm going to be attending the TNA taping in Plymouth, but afterwards, I need a list of places myself and a couple friends could hit up.
Shit. I couldn't find a "Drama for Dummies" image to refer to the "Things" post, to show it's absurdity. Ah well. When I get home, maybe I'll photoshop one for humor's sake and put it up here. Nevertheless, at least I know where I stand in the views of The First.
In other news:
I was sitting at home last night thinking about Chud's school, and I wonder why he hasn't actually started said school. I mean, with the right marketing, there really could be something there. If we refine the curriculum and nail down some syllibi,this dream could be a reality. professors wouldn't be hard to find, and We can even have guest speakers and such.
Of course, I'd have to do the promotional and introduction videos...
I'm really looking forward to this weekend as it's full of goodness. Steph and Garvin are both coming into town for some wrestling goodness, and with the Metcalfe also coming into town for the same events, it's like it is a Midwest Convention for Wrestling.
Crazy.
So, that's all I have for right now. Peace out, fuckers.
I didn't sleep well and I got moving late. This will be a crappy day.
I killed my myspace accounts last night. All I did was surveys and it ended up being like high school, but on the web. One big popularity contest. I don't need to play that. I know I'm unpopular. I loathe surveys. It was bloated software which bogged down computers like a mutha. I tried to see what people liked with it, but I couldn't last. Sorry to those who like it, but I just don't.
Last night was a doozy. Waves of everything hit last night. It's left me with a headache and a sour outlook on life. So, what do I do now?
I leave you with this poem I wrote for a creative writing class five or six years ago:
Letter
You know, i really don't know The last time we talked Or how that final moment felt before We realized that it wasn't right. Still, i look up at the moon And see everything we used to, But now the equation has changed. E no longer equals M C squared. Now M E equals C U walkaway. And i remember. It's cold. In October. And i have a camera in hand. Hoping to catch a glance of the Things we used to find enamoring. I tend to forget the days and times And even the majority of the moments, But i still remember the little things Like the way that leaf fell in front of you That warm October afternoon And the sound of that song Two minutes and thirty-seven seconds in. But i always remember. It's cold. In October. And i have a camera in hand. So maybe i can take a walk And open the shutter Photographing my new memories. Still, they don't hide The tattered life-size posters Of our memories that still hang on the walls of my mind.
Maria is a devout Catholic. (No condoms for her!) She gets married and has 17 children...and then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later...and has 22 children by her second husband. She dies.
At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in her coffin, looks up to the heavens, and says, "At last...they're finally together."
A man standing next to him asks, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean her and her FIRST husband, or her and her SECOND husband?"
"No," the priest says politely, "I mean her LEGS."
A guy goes into a bar and says, "Quick, gimme a beer before the trouble starts!" The barman looks around the sleepy bar, shrugs and hands the guy a bottle of beer.
The guy drinks it fast. "Quick! gimme another beer before the trouble starts!" The barman looks at the guy oddly but hands another beer to the guy.
The guy drinks it fast. "Quick another beer before the trouble starts!" The barman, with a frown on his face, hands the beer over reluctantly.
Again, the guy drinks it fast. "Quick another beer before the trouble starts!"
The barman replies, "Look pal, exactly what trouble are you talking about?"
The ambitious coach of a girls track team gives the squad steroids. The team's performance soars. They win the county and state championship until one day they are favored to win nationals easily. Penelope, a sixteen-year-old hurdler visits her coach and says,
"Coach, I have a problem. Hair is starting to grow on my chest."
"What!" the coach says in a panic, "How far down does it go?"
She replies, "Down to my testicles. That's something else I want to talk to you about."
It took a while to get the K-zoo trip to kick yesterday.
After having to take James' younger sister to South Lyon to babysit, we drove back into L-town where my phone decided to completely lock up. I rushed off to the local Verizon store for my fourth phone in six months, then went to James' to meet up with him and the ladies -- Jen, Elizabeth and Nicole.
We all drove out to Kalamazoo for some Bell's goodness and some good conversation. After a couple of beers, we headed to a Denny's for some food, then we migrated to a crazy bar in Battle Creek, where it mixed every age, ethnicity, and style into one conglomerated mess. It was the bar from hell. The best part was the dress code: No cut off clothing, and all hats must face forward -- That's it.
We then drove back into L-town, and everyone parted ways. It was a good time. We need to do that again sometime, but perhaps hit a different destination.
After a lot of recent events, I want to pick up my trumpet again, and attempt to get more proficient than the last time I set myself on the task. Unfortunately, when trying to free the main tuning slide from its stuck/almost fused position a couple weeks ago, I managed to punch a small hole in the main bend of said slide.
I'm a fucking genius.
So, I get to get that fixed.
In other news, the Underdog fucking rock, and their new bass player is mad crazy awesome. No pick for that poy. He plays like the bass is his only way of speaking. So great. Go see them. They have to be one of the best cover bands in metro Detroit.
Over the last few days, I've been reading some of the other editorials on Az's site, OutpostNine, besides his infamous "Japanese Schoolteacher" editorials. The man is a wise man, and very observant, and is a natural storyteller to boot, or so it seems to me. While Tucker Max, seems to have the crazier stories, both men are completely wise about life, relationships, and the whole spectrum. I mean, come on. Every guy needs a refresher at some point, and I strongly recommend to you guys that you read both sites at least on a monthly basis in order to keep your head on straight. Hell, throw in a little AskMen, as well.
Two friends, Fred and Harry were golfing one fine day.
Toward the end of the golf course, Fred hit his ball into the woods.
Harry, laughed and poked fun, but then somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods, just a few yards beyond where Fred has hit his.
Fred looked for a long time, getting angrier every minute. Finally, in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups, he found his ball.
Instead of just continuing the game, he took his club and thrashed every single buttercup in that patch smashing the weeds to pieces.
All of a sudden, in a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups?!
Just for that, you won't have any butter for your popcorn the rest of your life... better still; you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life... as a matter of fact, you won't have any butter for anything the rest of your life!"
Then POOF! - She was gone.
After Fred got a hold of himself, he hollered for his friend, "Harry!... Harry!... where are you?"
Harry yells, "I hit my ball in these damn pussywillows!"
Fred screams back... "DON'T SWING! FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T SWING!"
