So, I went on my semi-annual search for massage schools because even though people tell me that I give great massages, I'm always looking to improve my techniques. I ended up finding a link to NIT (National Institute of Technology) which asked me to fill it out to get information sent to me.
So, I did.
They called me yesterday, and asked what my current career situation was. I told them in two simple sentences, and their response: "Based on what you told me, we can definitely help you out!"
Riiiight. Get off the script, you dick.
The guy wanted me to come take a look at the facilities and talk with them about the direction I want to go. I asked for information on massage to be sent to me. I didn't ask for a sales pitch that still gave me no information or incentive.
I guess I just need to continue with reading books and finding willing people to practice on. I cover everything head to toe, and apparently foot and leg massages have been popular lately.
"Sleep will not come to this tired body now / Peace will not come to this lonely heart" - Smashing Pumpkins, "In the Arms of Sleep"
It's been a long day. I had a hard time waking up this morning, and a long day at the office. Afterwords, I spent a few hours at the hospital with Peaj, then came home and did brainless things. One of which was having my VCR record "My Name is Earl" when it wasn't even on tonight.
I just wish I could feel rested after a night of sleep. Other than one night in 2003, it's been years...
Detroit, MI - Monday, October 28, 2005 - Anthrax Scare At Ford Field
Detroit Lion football practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field.
Coach Steve Mariucci immediately suspended practice while police and federal investigators were called to investigate.
After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line.
Practice was resumed after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again.
Okay, seriously.
Mooch is out. I'm not surprised. Defense coordinator Dick Jauron is taking his spot until they find a permanent replacement. Concidering that the defense is the only thing keeping the team alive, it makes sense, but I hope the defense doesn't suffer due to this move. I was discussing this Sunday night with some friends, and the popular opinion is that the offensive coordinator should go too, if only for having Harrington throw a four yard pass on third down with 27 yards to go.
Who knows what this will bring for the Lions. Time will tell.
"I bought a rose / to give to you / A windy day / the petals flew / from the stem / onto the street / I tried to catch them / with my feet / I got to your door / You looked to see / through the peephole right at me / You let me in, / and I just froze / I gave you a stem / that was a rose / was a rose" - Hayden, "Stem"
I finally got a replacement for my damaged copy of "Everything I Long For" by Hayden. I've missed this CD.
"I was out on the radio starting to change / Somewhere out in America, it's starting to rain / Could you tell me one thing you remember about me?" - Counting Crows, "Have you seen me lately?"
Since I've had a very weird day which almost resulted in my death, I've been a bit introspective. I took an idea from a friend and began to ponder my eulogy. Yes, I know it's very morbid, but when my friend explained why he does this for himself and for others, it made a hell of a lot of sense.
So, I ask you all:
What would you remember most about me? What are your memories of me?
Alcohol, my permanent accessory Alcohol, a party-time necessity Alcohol, alternative to feeling like yourself Oh Alcohol, I still drink to your health
I love you more than I did the week before I discovered alcohol
Forget the cafe latte, screw the raspberry iced tea A Malibu and Coke for you, a Gin and T for me Alcohol, Your songs resolve like my life never will When someone else is picking up the bill
I love you more than I did the week before I discovered alcohol Oh Alcohol, would you please forgive me? For while I cannot love myself I'll use something else
I thought that Alcohol was just for those with nothing else to do I thought that drinking just to get drunk was a waste of precious booze But now I know that there's a time and there's a place where I can choose To walk the fine line between self-control and self-abuse
I love you more than I did the week before I discovered alcohol Would you please ignore that you found me on the floor Trying on your camisole? Oh Alcohol, would you please forgive me? For while I cannot love myself I'll use something else.
Would you please forgive me? Would you please forgive me?
I think it's getting to the point where I can be myself again I think it's getting to the point where we have almost made amends I think it's the getting to the point that is the hardest part.
And if you call, I will answer and if you fall, I'll pick you up and if you court this disaster I'll point you home
You think I only think about you when we're both in the same room You think I'm only here to witness the remains of love exhumed You think we're here to play a game of who loves more than whom
And if you call, I will answer and if you fall, I'll pick you up and if you court this disaster I'll point you home
You think it's only fair to do what's best for you and you alone You think it's only fair to do the same to me when you're not home I think it's time to make this something that is more than only fair
So if you call, I will answer and if you fall, I'll pick you up and if you court this disaster I'll point you home.
But I'm warning you, don't ever do those crazy, messed up things that you do If you ever do I promise you I'll be the first to crucity you Now it's time to prove that you've come back here to rebuild.
Stan Flynn was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat."
The next morning the wife found a small beautifully wrapped package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new electronic bathroom scale.
Funeral arrangements for Stan have been set for Saturday, 10:30 am, at the Church of the Holy Redeemer, 1055 Riverside Drive.
Detroit Red Wing defenseman, Jiri Fischer, was rushed to the hospital after suffering a seizure on the bench during the first period of last night's game. Both teams, Detroit and Nashville, have decided to postpone the game till a later date.
Backstory: Garvin and Harrison are good friends. Garvin hosts Harrison's web site. Garvin also designed the look of Harrison's site. Harrison let Garvin get a hold of a picture with his face in a hilarious manner, which then caused Garvin to randomly change the header graphic at his own whim, just to see how long it would take Harrison to see said change.
The images have gotten quite dire. Like Village People dire.
So, Harrison recently struck back at poor Garvin. Did he beat him overall? It's hard to tell. Harrison had quantity kicking, while Garvin got some good digs in.
After I got home from work, I had a bite to eat and tried watching an episode of Firefly, which kept stopping with twelve minutes left to go in the episode. After finding nothing on TV, I decided to play some music and lay down for a few minutes.
That turned into an hour, after which I got ready for bed and just went to sleep.
Now, I'm awake. I guess I'll attempt to sleep in a couple minutes.
What is up with these teachers? Seriously, now. How many female teachers have been sleeping with their students in recent years? I just don't understand it. Can't these teachers find men their own age? I'm astounded. I mean, back in high school, we had a male teacher who used to spray on his hair and sit all the cheerleaders in the front row so he could look up their skirts. It's rumored that he had a ton of pictures in his desk of past students with some very interesting messages on the back of them...
I just don't get it. I guess some people are just really into the youth. Even if you are, please be LEGAL people.
There is a Spanish guy, a Portuguese guy and a beautiful girl sitting next to each other on a train (the girl is sitting between the two latin men).
The train goes through a tunnel and it becomes completely dark. Suddenly, there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The woman and the Portuguese guy are sitting there looking perplexed.
The Spanish guy is bent over holding his face which is red from an apparent slap. The Spanish guy is thinking "Damn it, that Portuguese guy must have tried to kiss the girl. She must have thought it was me and slapped me".
The girl is thinking, "That Spanish guy must have moved to kiss me, and kissed the Portugese instead, and got slapped."
The Portuguese guy is thinking, "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that Spanish guy again."
One evening, a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He would toss them in the air and then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.
He tried and tried to dig it out, but only succeeded to push it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying, they got worried and decided to go to the hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out.
The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing, and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat.
Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father. The mother said, "That's wonderful. Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows up?"
The father replies, "From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law!"
Amoxicillin and Allegra-D -- The cures to my horrendous morning hacking.
I won four (4!) free tickets to see "Yours, Mine and Ours" at the Emagine Novi. Anybody want the pass? I have to bowl tonight, and I can't make the movie.
Looks like I'll be speed bowling tomorrow. I'm the only one showing up on my team (due to hunting season), and I believe Team Chupacabra is playing the dummy team.
I did something I hate to do and I made a doctor's appointment. I'm going to have him check out my sinuses and then do a physical. Wheeeeee.
I have this thing against the medical profession. I know it's just me, but a lot of times it seems the medicate to cure symptoms but not really deal with the cause. I guess I've been realizing I'd prefer natural cures than the ones that are pressed in a machine.
A grasshopper walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a drink."
The bartender can't believe his eyes and says, "Oh my gosh, I can't believe this, you're a talking grasshopper! Do you know we have a drink named after you?"
The grasshopper replies, "You have a drink named Steve?"
I'm not like them But I can pretend The sun is gone But I have a light The day is done But I'm having fun I think I'm dumb Or maybe just happy
Think I'm just happy Think I'm just happy Think I'm just happy
My heart is broke But I have some glue Help me inhale And mend it with you We'll float around And hang out on clouds Then we'll come down And have a hangover
Have a hangover Have a hangover Have a hangover
Skin the sun Fall asleep Wish away The soul is cheap Lesson learned Wish me luck Soothe the burn Wake me up
I'm not like them But I can pretend The sun is gone But I have a light My day is done But I'm having fun I think I'm dumb Maybe just happy
Think I'm just happy Think I'm just happy Think I'm just happy
I think I'm dumb I think I'm dumb I think I'm dumb I think I'm dumb I think I'm dumb I think I'm dumb I think I'm dumb I think I'm dumb I think I'm dumb I think I'm dumb I think I'm dumb I think I'm dumb I think I'm dumb
A friend of mine in Pennsylvania just lost her brother due to a work accident. Please pray for Jess and her family in this time of need. This is another family that just doesn't need any more tragedy.
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, ..go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006 models. I saw one I really liked"
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000"
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. If it's really a pretty good price."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....
He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?...."
Happy birthday to the United States Marine Corps, who are celebrating 230 years of kicking ass and taking names.
I salute each and every one of you for protecting this country and its freedoms.
Semper Fidelis!
Semper Fidelis is Latin for Always Faithful - The motto of the United States Marine Corps. The best motto to live by, and after being raised by a Marine, I also follow said creed. I wonder how different my life would have been if I had enlisted after graduation as opposed to staying home.
I guess I'll never know.
All I do know is I respect the hell out of every single Marine out there. First in, last out, and there when it absolutely, positively, has to be blown up overnight.
A crumbling old church building needed remodeling, so, during his sermon, the preacher made an impassioned appeal looking directly at the richest man in town.
At the end of the sermon, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1,000."
Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder.
He promptly stood back up and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000."
Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again, and this time he virtually screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge!"
He sat down, and a larger chunk of plaster fell on his head.
He stood up once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!"
This prompted a deacon to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!"
It's always good to see someone you know succeed. With that in mind, I noticed today that Thunderbirds Are Now! are on Rhapsody (the latest album "Justamustache" is the only one up right now), will be touring Europe in November/December, and have a music video now. (I wish I had a hand in the video.)
A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.
The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5 bill.
President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5 and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:
Dear God,
Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00.
An old man was driving down the Interstate at 22 miles per hour, never going faster or slower. A police officer noticed and followed him for a while, then pulled him over.
Before the officer could even get to the car, the man was saying, "I was not speeding, the speed limit is 22 miles per hour and that is exactly what I was doing, I was not speeding."
The police officer said, "I didn't pull you over for speeding, I pulled you over for going too slow."
"But the sign says 22."
The officer explained that he was on Interstate 22.
As the man shook his head, the officer noticed that there were three older ladies in the back of the car. All of them were sitting with their mouths hanging open and spit drooling down the side. Their faces were very white and their hair was completely messy.
The police officer leaned toward the man and asked, "What's wrong with them?"
On a whim, I took off to the Penalty Box and hung out with Ghetto, Johnny Crash, and Chanel for the evening since they were up there. There was a lot of love in that bar. Good times were had, although the karaoke selection sucked ass.
A few things to note:
Good people are good people, no doubt about it. I was with some tonight.
Captain Morgan's Tattoo tastes similar to Jager, but isn't as expensive (as per the Penalty Box)
I've been exorcising demons through creative writing.
An indeterminate number of Tattoo bombs and a couple of pitchers does a beer gut good. (and I would know... being a fat guy.)
I'm sitting at home, working from home, working on one machine, streaming WRIF on the other, and I'm enjoying some whole wheat toast with a glass of apple-cranberry juice.
