Saturday, September 5, 2015

D&D - Stephen Lynch



I got my 12-sided die and I'm ready to roll with a wizard and my goblin crew.
My friends are comin' over to my mom's basement, bringin' Funyuns and Mountain Dew.
I got a big broadsword made outta cardboard, and the stereo's a-pumpin' Zeppelin --
It's that time of the night, we turn on the black light,
Let the Dungeons and the Dragons begin -- IT'S D&D!
Fightin' with the legends of yore.
IT'S D&D!
Never kissed a lady before.

Now the Lord of the Rings, the Dark Crystal and things, we use these as a reference tool,
And when we put on our cloaks and tell warlock jokes, WE'RE THE COOLEST KIDS IN THE SCHOOL!
Now Teich's a real bastard, but a fair dungeon master; he's got hit points and charisma to lend,
And I rehearse in my room, or what I call the dragon's tomb, when I'm not out with my girl friend.
It's D&D!

Oh hold on, I'm sorry, hold on one second. Dude, come on.
What?
You got a fuckin' girlfriend? "Dungeon Master"?
Yeah, all right, I do, I have a girlfriend. I do! I have a girlfriend ... ahhhh, I don't have a girlfriend.

It's D&D!
Summoning the demons of hell,
It's D&D!
When our shift ends at the Taco Bell.

Well, my medieval brother, there's room here for another, would you care to take a roll of the die?
Now listen to my words, you guys are fucking nerds, I'd rather stick that sword in my eye!
You're not a warrior strong! Your fucking wand is a bong! There's no such thing as a gnome or a sprite!
We put a spell on thee!
You guys are too much for me
That's what your mama said last night.
It's D&D!
Warriors who terrify
It's D&D!

Virgins till the day we....
DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!

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