You might live in Detroit if....

You might live in Detroit if:

• You have an $80,000 car parked in front of your $60,000 home.
• You have the only house left on the block.
• You leave detroit to go to the detroit zoo.
• The Liquor Store is your post office, bank, pharmacy, and supermarket.
• You complain that the city doesn't pick up the pile of trash at the end of the street.
• You throw your trash into a big pile at the end of the street.
• You know how to say Cadieux, Mackinac, Packzi, Ypsilanti, Chaldean, and Euchre.
• You vacation at Wheels Inn in Chatham, Ontario.
• You drive 80mph, riding some guy's ass, in a blizzard.
• To get on Opdyke, Get off Exit 69 at Big Beaver.
• You went downtown for the Super Bowl, and haven't gone back since.
• You say the Lions have a chance this year, sarcastically, every year.
• You're more comfortable talking to people through six inch plexiglass.
• You don't walk to go places.... ever.
• You buy a $5 large almost not crappy pizza four times a week
• You buy the same pizza for $20 at the baseball game and its even crappier
• You have never driven slower than 80mph on the Lodge.
• You buy your jewlery at the auto parts store.
• You found out there was an aquarium when they announced its closure.
• You sit on your porch, and just sit there, on the porch, in the afternoon, sitting.
• You need a mountain bike to go through the alley.
• You can buy single cigarettes and batteries.
• You are from the burbs and you tell people "I'm from Detroit"
• You are from the city and you tell people "I'm from the burbs"
• You run on the court and get punched in the face by a 6'11" 260lb Power Forward on National TV
• A 6'8" 240lb Small Forward attacks you in the stands on National TV
• You threw a chair into a crowd on National TV. - Jack Ass.
• You still think Jimmy Kimmel is an asshole.
• You go to windsor when you're seventeen with a nineteen year olds ID.
• You get in a fight in windsor and puke in the tunnel after burger king.
• You wait in line to leave Detroit to go to Canada.
• Ice cream trucks have cages in the windows in detroit.
• Crosswalks are simply suggestions.
• The MGM grand casino in detroit is spreading like the blob!
• There's plenty of parking, in downtown detroit, on workdays.
• You're at the Joe, then going back to the suburbs.
• Construction Zones are Permanent in Detroit.
• People are selling bottled water on the freeway ramps.
• The grass is chest high but you're playing dice.
• There's garbage everywhere, except pop bottles!
• You buy a 3 Liter of Faygo for $ .99 at the dollar store.
• You need a car or a ride to get anywhere.
• There is a curious smoke coming out of the detroits sewers year round.
• You lock your door when the detroit public schools let out.
• 1,000 people are looking for work and 100,000 people are unemployed.
• There are more abandoned homes than actual homeless.
• You think you are in Bizarro World.
• A giant metal fist is hanging there, ready for action.
• Gas is cheaper in the city than the suburbs, or the rest of the state.
• You're leaving the city to get gas.........safely.
• You've eaten coney's for lunch and dinner today.
• The dirt roads in Detroit are smoother than the paved one.
• Abandoned blocks of houses become famous works of art.
• The Detroit Police are everywhere......15 minutes later.

(Thanks Mandito.)

Labels: Detroit, humor, joke

posted @ 1/03/2007 09:48:00 PM

 

Comments